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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27119515">Harry and Pansy (accidentally) Adopt A Cat</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/minnie_mcgee/pseuds/minnie_mcgee'>minnie_mcgee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>And They Were Roommates (Oh My God, They Were Roommates) [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Attempt at humour, Canon Divergence - Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Canon Divergence - Post-Hogwarts, Cat Research, Gen, Humor, Humour, Shopping, for you americans, gratuitous references to various bbc murder mystery series, harry and pansy are roommates and that's all the context you need, i swear i'll talk about sex less this time, it's short cause i've given up on life</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 18:02:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,755</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27119515</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/minnie_mcgee/pseuds/minnie_mcgee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Exactly what it says on the tin.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Pansy Parkinson &amp; Harry Potter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>And They Were Roommates (Oh My God, They Were Roommates) [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1979542</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Try to Capture and Contain the Animal (Check for ID)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I don't know what this is, but here.</p><p>The article referenced at the beginning is https://americanhumane.org/fact-sheet/if-you-find-a-lost-pet/</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Have you ever seen a dog or cat running loose on a busy street and feared for its safety? You may have tried to get it out of harm’s way — or you may have wanted to, but weren’t sure how. Here are some tips that can help next time you see a lost pet.</em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p class="p1">
  <strong>Capture and contain it with care. If you see a stray cat or dog, try to capture and contain the animal if circumstances permit.</strong>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“Pansy, you’ll never believe what the <em>Prophet</em>’s saying about us today!” Pansy hears from the kitchen. Harry walks into the living room with a look of utter disbelief on his face.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“What is it this time? I can’t imagine it’s any worse than when they claimed I tried to sell you out to ol’ Voldy because I wanted to steal your girlfriend.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“…Good point, that one was really bad. But this is worse, I’m telling you.” He turns the paper around so Pansy can read it.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">
  <strong> <em>THERE’S A THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE— POTTER AND PARKINSON SEEM TO HAVE BREACHED IT</em> </strong>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“Oh for the love of…” Pansy snatches the paper from Harry to read the rest of the article.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <em> Yes, you read that right, dear readers. Pansy Parkinson and Harry Potter have moved in together!</em>
</p><p class="p3"> </p><p>
  <em>An anonymous source spotted the pair lugging boxes of Mr. Potter’s things into a small, Muggle apartment building. They managed to snap this photo. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>How long have they been in a relationship, and how have they managed to keep it under wraps?</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>One thing’s for sure, reader, this relationship will be closely watched by the entire Wizarding World!</em>
</p><p> </p><p class="p1">
  <em> Rita Skeeter</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> Gossip Correspondent</em>
</p><p class="p3"> </p><p class="p3"> </p><p class="p1">“If I <em>had</em> to date a guy,” Pansy starts, throwing the newspaper onto the coffee table, “you would my <em>last </em>choice.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“You’d be lucky to get me.” He plops down onto the sofa opposite from Pansy and grabs the remote. The sounds of the <em>Father Brown </em>theme fill the air as they both settle back down. “Do you think people will actually believe her?”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“People will believe anything.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">He shrugs, then straightens, “Oh I love this episode!”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Pansy lets the familiar sight of Mrs. McCarthy yelling at Bunty take her mind off Skeeter’s incessant gossip.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Not fifteen minutes later, the peace is disturbed by a terrible yowling outside the door. Harry and Pansy glance at each other. When the noise doesn’t let up, Harry goes to check what’s going on, Pansy watching from the sofa.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Harry opens the door to reveal the source of the screaming…<a href="https://i.pinimg.com/736x/c3/d2/87/c3d287e2c65ce7a840f1022f12efc8b4.jpg">a large, fluffy, smoky grey cat, with striking green eyes</a>.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p>As soon as Harry opens the door, it stops yowling, looking up at Harry curiously. “What the hell?”</p><p> </p><p>Pansy, confused, makes her way to the door to inspect the cat. “Is this one of Mr. Smith’s?”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s wearing a collar,” Harry notices.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, it probably is one of his, then. Should we take it to him?” Mr. Smith is an elderly man, and he tends not to leave his apartment unless he absolutely needs to, so the likelihood of him combing through the building looking for one of his 30-odd cats is very slim.</p><p> </p><p>Harry shrugs, “Yeah, I guess.”</p><p> </p><p>He bends down to pick up the cat, mumbling assurances to try and keep the cat calm. He manages to grab the cat without getting bitten or scratched, then frowns as he stands up straight. “That’s weird. Don’t Mr. Smith’s cats usually bite people who try to touch them?”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe this is a new one?”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Check for ID. Once you have contained the lost pet, check to see if the animal is wearing an ID tag. If so, you may be able to immediately contact the owner and return the pet to her or him.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>As it turns out, no, this cat—Tom, as it says on his collar—is not one of Mr. Smith’s.</p><p> </p><p>“But I could take him in, if you’d like,” Mr. Smith offers.</p><p> </p><p>“No, that’s alright, sir, we can handle him,” Harry smiles stiffly.</p><p> </p><p>Mr. Smith is a terrible cat owner. He hoards the poor things, and underfeeds them, and never cleans their litter boxes. Numerous residents of the building have called the RSPCA to do something about it—some more than once, Pansy herself has called at least 6 times—but nothing has happened yet. Pansy doesn’t know whose cat this is, but she’s certain they wouldn’t want him anywhere near Mr. Smith.</p><p> </p><p>Mr. Smith shrugs and closes the door on them.</p><p> </p><p>“What now?” Pansy asks.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know. I guess we check the tag.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Tom</em>
</p><p>
  <em>757-374-3748</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>***</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Hello?” The phone picks up on the third ring.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello, ma’am,” says Harry. “We’ve found your cat.”</p><p> </p><p>The cat in question is currently lounging on their sofa, grooming himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry? I don’t have a cat.”</p><p> </p><p>What? Pansy and Harry look at each other in confusion.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p> </p><p>“Am I sure I don’t have a cat? Yes, quite sure.”</p><p> </p><p>“But your number is on the tag…”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a new number. Maybe the owner just recently changed their number.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, that makes sense. Sorry to bother you, ma’am.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s alright, dear. I hope you find the cat’s owner!”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” Harry says as he hangs up the phone. He turns to Pansy. “Now what?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>If the pet is wearing ID, but you are unable to immediately make contact with the owner, you may choose to hold onto the pet for a few hours.</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Bringing Home A New Cat</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Articles mentioned in this chapter:</p><p>https://americanhumane.org/fact-sheet/if-you-find-a-lost-pet/</p><p>https://www.wikihow.pet/Care-for-a-New-Cat</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>If you found the pet in your own neighborhood, go door to door with a photo of the animal and see if anyone knows who owns it.</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Are you sure you’ve never seen him before?” Pansy asks, desperate. They’ve been at this for three hours now, and she’s starting to worry they won’t find Tom’s owner.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, Pansy, I don’t know what to tell you.” Laura, the pediatric nurse who lives directly above Mr. Smith, has clearly had a long night, and Pansy should really leave her alone.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, “Alright. Sorry to bother you, Laura.”</p><p> </p><p>Laura closes her door with a sympathetic smile, just as Harry is coming down the corridor from where he was talking to the Grants.</p><p> </p><p>“So?” He asks. “Has she seen him before?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nope. How about the Grants?”</p><p> </p><p>“Sophie said she’s seen him wandering around the garden, but Brandon said that was Johnny’s dog.”</p><p> </p><p>“Johnny’s <em>white </em>dog? Oh, yeah—isn’t Sophie blind?”</p><p> </p><p>“She’s <em>colourblind</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“Right. Then who’s blind?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ms. Benjamin?”</p><p> </p><p>“No she’s not, she just ignores you, because she hates you.”</p><p> </p><p>“What—we’ve hardly even spoken!”</p><p> </p><p>“She saw you when you were pissed and half-naked outside of my door.”</p><p> </p><p>“That was one time!”</p><p> </p><p>“It was three times, actually.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up, Pansy.” She grins.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>If possible, take a photo of the pet and post fliers around the area where the pet was found.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“These are <a href="https://minnie-mc-fucking-gee.tumblr.com/post/632578018820390912/the-ugliest-fucking-fliers-youve-ever-seen">the ugliest fucking fliers</a> I’ve ever seen,” Pansy snorts, handing Harry one from the pile she’s carrying.</p><p> </p><p>“Shut <em>up</em>, Pansy,” Harry rolls his eyes as he tapes it to a tree. “<em>You</em> try making one in ten minutes.”</p><p> </p><p>“I bet I could, and I bet it’d be better than yours.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t even know how to use a computer, Pansy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up, Potter.”</p><p> </p><p>“Could you—oh look!” Harry points at a woman on the other side of the road, also putting up fliers. “Maybe she’s lost a cat?”</p><p> </p><p>“Merlin, Potter, don’t you know pointing is rude?” Harry rolls his eyes, as they begin to make their way over to the woman.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello, ma’am,” Harry starts. “Have you by any chance lost a cat recently?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes!”</p><p> </p><p>Harry and Pansy glance at each other quickly. Pansy and the woman both turn their fliers around at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>They don’t match. The woman’s cat is a calico.</p><p> </p><p>“Damnit.” The woman slumps forward. “I’ve been looking for her for a week. I’m really worried.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m sure you’ll find her soon.”</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, “Yeah, here’s hoping.” She walks away.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you think we’ll have Tom for a week—or longer?” Harry turns to her.</p><p> </p><p>“Hopefully not.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mm…”</p><p> </p><p>“…but maybe we should prepare for that situation?”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Bringing home a new cat can be exciting and overwhelming. There is so much to buy and do to get ready. Your new cat may be frightened and confused as she enters a new living space, but you can help to ease her transition by getting everything ready, taking good care of your cat, and considering any special needs she might have before you welcome her into your home for the first time.</em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Purchase supplies for your cat. Before you bring your kitty home, you will need to make sure that you have everything she/he needs to be healthy and happy. Basic supplies that you will need for your cat include:</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“Food and water bowls.” Harry elbows Pansy and nods at the aisle full of bowls.</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm? Oh yeah. What colour are we thinking?” They walk over, and Harry picks up a pink bowl etched with the words “I &lt;3 MY KITTY CAT”. He wrinkles his nose and puts it back on the shelf.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, we shouldn’t get anything too extravagant, right? Cause we might find his owner?”</p><p> </p><p>“Right.”</p><p> </p><p>“Right.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ooh, these are cute.” Pansy holds up two steel bowls with tigers printed all over them.</p><p> </p><p>“Nice.” Harry grabs them and places them in his cart. “What’s next?”</p><p> </p><p>“A litter box.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, they have them over there.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“How in Merlin’s name are we supposed to know which food to get?” Pansy’s holding two cans of wet food, <em>Fancy Feast</em> and <em>Applaws. </em>“I mean, these look the same to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“They <em>are</em> the same. The dry food is even worse.” Harry turns around, holding two near-identical bags of dry food.</p><p> </p><p>“So what do we get?”</p><p> </p><p>They look at each other before slowly putting half the shelf in their cart.</p><p> </p><p>“Is this a bad idea?” Harry asks.</p><p> </p><p>“Better safe than sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“That sounds reasonable to me.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“We shouldn’t buy a cat tree,” Harry says, looking at a <a href="https://cattree.uk/product/cat-tree-kings-queens-catharina-160cm-royal-grey/">massive 5-foot tall tree</a>.</p><p> </p><p>“No, we shouldn’t. Tom will only be with us for a couple of weeks at most.”</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly. It’d be silly to buy one.”</p><p> </p><p>They buy the cat tree.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Coming home to a scratched sofa is not something Pansy or Harry had expected, but they probably should have.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I guess it’s a good thing we got the cat tree…?” Harry trails off. “I’m sorry about your sofa, though, Pansy.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine—where are we thinking to put it?”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe over by the plants?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh shit! We didn’t check if those plants are toxic!”</p><p> </p><p>“Shit!”</p><p> </p><p>After some frantic Googling, they conclude that the plants are not, in fact, toxic to cats.</p><p> </p><p>“So by the plants?” Harry asks, leaning down to place the shrunken version of their most ridiculous purchase of the day between two potted plants. “<em>Engorgio.</em>” The tree grows to its full height.</p><p> </p><p>“That looks good. Look, Tom!” Tom looks up from where he was licking his crotch when Pansy calls his name. She points excitedly at the tree. He glances at it, then back at her, then at Harry, ultimately seems to decide that the tree is not worth his time, and goes back to licking his crotch.</p><p> </p><p>“Why is he not interested? Pansy—Pansy, why is he not interested?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Merlin, did we just buy a fucking cat tree that he’s never going to use?!”</p><p> </p><p>“This thing was £187!"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Get the Pet Scanned for a Microchip</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Rita Skeeter won't shut up. Harry, Pansy, and Tom take a trip to the vet.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Articles mentioned in this chapter:<br/>https://americanhumane.org/fact-sheet/if-you-find-a-lost-pet/</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>MEOW! POTTERS ADD NEW MEMBER TO THE FAMILY?</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>On Sunday, Harry and Pansy Potter—</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“‘Potters’?! ‘Harry and Pansy <em>Potter</em>’?!” Pansy exclaims, reading over Harry’s shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Didn’t you see the article about our wedding in Hawaii last week?” Harry scoffs.</p><p> </p><p>“Hawaii?! As if I would be so basic!”</p><p>
  
</p><p><em>—were spotted in a</em> Pets At Home <em>buying supplies for a cat! An anonymous source provided us with this photo. </em></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Is it wise to bring a cat into their family so soon after they moved in together? Well,—</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“I wish she’d go back to writing wildly inaccurate biographies about old headmasters of Hogwarts, and leave us alone!” Harry throws the newspaper into the bin. “Where’s Hermione and that jar when you need her?” he mutters.</p><p> </p><p>“Personally,” Pansy starts, leaning back against the kitchen counter, away from Harry, “I think the worst part—<em>other</em> than the name—is how outdated her information is. She was—what?—two, three months late on you moving in? And now this—three weeks later! Honestly, she’s an insult to journalism.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry squints at her, his hand stilling halfway to the toaster. “That’s the worst part? Really?”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Get the pet scanned for a microchip. If the animal is chipped, the staff will be able to immediately look up the owner’s contact information by calling the microchip company or accessing the microchip database online.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The waiting room at the veterinary hospital is tiny, and crowded, and smells vaguely of rotten eggs. Needless to say, it’s not very pleasant. Especially because Pansy, Harry, and Tom have been here for about an hour.</p><p> </p><p>It’s all Harry’s fault. Pansy had told him specifically to book an appointment first (he’s the only one in the flat who knows how to use the computer), and he’d forgotten, dooming them to this hell. It’s not all bad though. The TV’s playing Death in Paradise. Granted, it’s not got any sound or subtitles, and it’s one of the new episodes with that dark-haired guy Pansy <em>hates. </em>Still. At least Tom seems fine.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Hisssss!” </em></p><p>
  
</p><p>The maine coon on the business side of Tom’s threat cowers in fear, hiding behind the legs of its human.</p><p> </p><p>Well, never mind then.</p><p> </p><p>Harry and Pansy glance at each other in confusion, before Harry pulls the carrier bag containing Tom onto his lap.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s wrong, Tom?” He asks. When Tom doesn’t answer, Harry repeats himself, “Tom? What’s wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>“Harry…” Pansy says slowly. “You do know cats can’t speak English…right?”</p><p> </p><p>Harry scowls and rolls his eyes. “Thanks very much for that. I’d have had no idea otherwise.”</p><p> </p><p>“Happy to help.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry is about to retort, when the receptionist calls out, “Potter? Mr. and Mrs. Potter?”</p><p> </p><p>“Right, that’s it.” Pansy gets up and marches to the desk. “<em>Excuse me? </em>We”—Pansy gestures between herself and Harry aggressively—“are <em>not </em>a couple. And if we were, I assure you, Potter would take <em>my</em> last name. The house of Parkinson is far more distinguished than the <em>Potters</em>. Inventors of <em>hair gel.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, first of all,” Harry says, now standing beside Pansy, holding Tom’s carrier bag in his left hand, “that hair gel is a multi-million Gall—er, <em>pound—</em>business, and it’s helping you live your lavish lifestyle.” He quickly signs the final file that the receptionist has just placed in front of him. “And second of all, you were disowned, Pansy. I can’t take your last name because it’s no longer yours to give.”</p><p> </p><p>Pansy huffs. “I’d find a way.”</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“Overall, he seems a very healthy cat. A Turkish Angora—very highly sought after! And he just dropped right in your lap!” Dr. Vanderbeke smiles at both of them. “Of course, not very happy with being at the vet’s office, hm?” She chuckles.</p><p> </p><p>She’s referring to the hissy fit Tom threw when she tried to get him out of the bag. It was not pretty. Pansy’s quite sure at least three of the scratches will never fully disappear. Harry thinks he’s lucky to have gotten out with his life.</p><p> </p><p>“Unfortunately,” Dr. Vanderbeke says, releasing Tom (who immediately escapes to the safety of the bag), “he doesn’t have a microchip, so there’s no way to contact the owner.”</p><p> </p><p>“Damnit,” Harry says.</p><p> </p><p>“If you aren’t able to care for the cat, don’t worry. You can leave him here and we’ll—“</p><p> </p><p>“No!” They both exclaim at once.</p><p> </p><p>Dr. Vanderbeke blinks, bewildered. “I…just meant because you’re such a young couple, surely you need the space—“</p><p> </p><p>“We are <em>not—</em>” Pansy starts.</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Why does everyone think we’re—” Harry cuts her off.</p><p> </p><p>“Dating!” they both finish.</p><p> </p><p>Dr. Vanderbeke just stares at them in shocked silence for a few moments, while they fidget, regretting their aggressiveness. “Well… if you’re not planning on giving him up, I think now would be a good time to start preparing to have him forever.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t think we’ll find his human?” Harry asks.</p><p> </p><p>Dr. Vaderbeke sighs. “At this point, you have been looking for them for weeks, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes,” Pansy replies.</p><p> </p><p>“Surely, if his <em>human</em> had lost a cat that they cared about they would have found you by now.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry and Pansy share a look, and quickly come to a decision.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! You can find my writing Tumblr at @minnieminnieminniemcgee.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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